Rate Naija: Karaoke in Lagos CIty

…find a good karaoke spot in Lagos?

So this one time, my darling E, for some reason, got a bug in her head about wanting to entertain both friends and strangers with her…voice, and insisted on us going out for a good ole-fashioned karaoke session (never mind that the last time I went karaoke-ing was in junior high at some random chicken place in Satellite town I went with my dad. Picture a pimply fourteen-year old crooning corny Backstreet Boys lyrics in a tortured Evita voice…yeah).

Anyway, I bravely acquiesced to her request and we set out for Café Royale. I’d been there multiple times (Rate Naija post on that coming up) but never knew they had karaoke Friday nights. I was especially curious to see how it’d pan out given that the Café Royale crowd didn’t seem to be the “let-loose” type needed for a guaranteed rocking karaoke session. 

Sure enough, it did turn out not to be your typical karaoke crowd. In fact, I’d wager that more than half of the people there weren’t there for karaoke per se but more for a meal.  So, you know, people weren’t exactly rushing for the microphone. They chose instead to dig into their calorie-ridden meals while being mildly entertained by a Middle Easterner dude with a firm, rotund potbelly who had no problem at all hogging the mic. I was quite fascinated watching him serenade himself (and the rest of us, of course) with random, unending songs in French and Arabic. He wasn’t even perturbed by the lack of interest from everyone, oh no. He was too in tune with his warbling voice to notice the rest of us karaoke-less mortals. 

Well, after Mr. Potbelly had sung a million and one songs, including a duet with his cute but greasy friend, E finally worked up the nerve to ask for the song catalog. Only then did our pot-bellied friend finally step away from the limelight long enough to distribute the catalogs to our table and other less interested tables as well. The song catalog was quite outdated, to put it mildly but E finally managed to settle on Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody.” She gave quite an interesting performance which I thought I recorded so I could share on here but unfortunately in a blonde moment, I didn’t press the record button (no comments, please). 

E’s half performance (she gave up mid-song) gave another lady the courage to step up and ask for Celine Dion’s “Because You Loved Me.” Now, this was good for her and errything but unfortunately her proceeding to butcher the melody, tune and pitch of that lovely song was more than we could take in the name of karaoke so we hurriedly asked for the bill and schlepped off to our second karaoke session at Club Towers (a relic from high-school club partying days I didn’t know still existed).

We arrived at Club Towers in the midst of a hair-raising performance by a lady who I’m sure could have sworn she was Beyonce.  I wasn’t quite sure who she was performing for because the joint was next to empty but she proceeded to hog the mic for quite a bit while we browsed through the more up-to-date Club Towers’ catalog. When E finally picked her songs, we found out we had to order from the bar in order to get a turn on the mic but at this point, I’d quickly come to the realization that karaoke isn’t as fun when it’s just the two of you and a near empty space, so I convinced E to let us head out with a promise to be back with a larger group and stomachs full of alcohol (because alcohol makes everything that much more fun).

I wonder which other places in Lagos offer karaoke. Swe Bar does, I believe, but I have taken quite the dislike to that place. 

But anyway, here is the verdict:

CAFÉ ROYALE, Karaoke Friday Nights (between 7pm & 11:30pm)
267A, Etim Iyang Crescent, Victoria Island, Lagos.
+234-1-2714155 

Pros:
1. Um…Location? Restaurant food & drinks? Free (with caveat of ordering something, of course)?
2.  …. …. …. *crickets* I’ll be honest. There’s not much of a good side aside from the fact that it’s attached to the restaurant. Maybe I should have added “good attempt at diversity by including foreign songs” but um……..ya. >_>

Cons:
1. Very, very, very, very outdated song catalog. Almost embarrassing.
2. The set-up of the restaurant isn’t quite conducive for raucous karaoke sessions and when I say set-up, I mean, the physical layout and the not-so-encouraging crowd  

CLUB TOWERS, Karaoke Friday Nights
18, Idowu Taylor Street, Victoria Island, Lagos
+234-1-461367, +234-802-761-4727

Pros:
1. The song catalog is quite decent! I’m definitely going to go back here with a larger group and rock out with my cock……oh, never mind
2. Good setting (or maybe I’m biased because the room is mostly dark meaning I won’t be identified if by chance my voice cracks a window or two #shiftyeyes)

Cons:
1. Man, this club is located in quite the seedy area. The heauxs are out by 7pm flashing boobies and things, and I kept looking over my shoulder to and from the car with my eyes darting left and right. Even once inside, I kept getting the drug/mafia den vibe. Don’t be surprised to run into some seedy patrons too.

Club Towers wins this round with a 3.8/5 as compared to a meager 1.9/5 for Café Royal.

L.